i think my tv is drunk
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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