I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Did you pee in the oven last night??
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
