Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
