gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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