Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize