Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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