if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
