I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
ttyl tear gas
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
