Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
