dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
