She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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