dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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