I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
