i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
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