Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
