I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
