Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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