it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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