We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
