it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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