Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize