if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
