Someone shit on the floor
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
