I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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