i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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