it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
