...so i touched it.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
