never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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