Your face is a jimmy john
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
