Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
