I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
