That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize