and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
