I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
