these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
