But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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