if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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