She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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