Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
