Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
