Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
