Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
