The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
It's Friday. Sex?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
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