I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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