Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize