i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
ttyl tear gas
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
