lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
