you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
