Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize