I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize