not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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