i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
This show inspires me to have sex in space
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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