ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
