so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Randomize
