Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
And then he peed in my hair
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