I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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