1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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