I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
