so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
