You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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