I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize