I think I died a long time ago.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
