I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
