I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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