awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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