i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
