If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
