Who wears a wallet chain?!
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
