grandma shit on top of the toilet
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
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