I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
