He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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