today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
